With Lucas birthday coming up, we reflected and are so grateful for his birth and the ones that delivered him to our family.
We really enjoyed reconnecting with Luke's birth dad last weekend. It was so wonderful to meet his wife and little girl. They were recently sealed as a family in the temple and we are so happy for them. They came and watched Luke's soccer game and then we went to lunch.
When asked who gave him this batman Luke said, "My friend _____."
Thank you hug.
Then this weekend we saw his birthmom. She's an amazing woman, wife, mother, and photographer. She took Luke's birthday pictures for his birthday. Thanks so much!
Luke didn't totally understand the significance of who they were, but he understood that they thought he was special. That's wonderful!
Birthparents
When ever I tell someone that our kids are adopted, their first question is always, "So, do you keep in contact with their birthparents?" I tell them yes. It can be scary, shocking, and sometimes hard for people to understand why we choose open adoptions. We have many people, but specifically, 6 people that have quite the invested interest in our children. We communicate with 5 of our 6 birthparents. We are what you would call "spoiled" in the adoption world. We have met all of the birthmoms, and birthdads of our children. You have been "super spoiled" to have birthfathers that were so supportive and cooperative.
Our communication:
I like to compare gaining a birthparent to having another cousin in our family. At the minimum I send them my Christmas card, a birthday email, and an update letter with pictures on our child's birthday. The first year of our kids' lives there have been regular email updates. Now I have this blog which is wonderful because I can hit all the "birds" with one stone. We have also been open to random visits with them to reconnect and see one another. So far this hasn't been more than once a year or so. Everyone has a different desired amount of communication, and we work with that. I feel like we have a great relationship of trust with all of them, they have really respected our role as the parents of our children.
Attitude towards birthparents:
Birthparents are amazing! The second most common questions is, "Why did they choose adoption." No matter what their circumstance, they ultimately choose adoption because they wanted their child to be sealed to a mother and father. They could have chosen to be single parents and I believe they would have been the best ones out there, but they wanted there child to have both parents married and around all the time. They were also following the answers to their prayers. They all had the confirmation that this was what God wanted for these little babies and that we were supposed to be their parents.
It's all about love
People's final comment is usually, "I can't imagine being able to do it." Birthmother's are my heroes because they are truly the most unselfish people I know. With open adoption I was able to see the extreme love and natural bond that comes at birth. It's a fight against nature to follow through with their decision. Placing a baby is the hardest action they will ever do in their lives. They experience much loss and grief. I know that God carries them through the experience and surrounds them with loving supportive people. It is truly a miracle! I feel so privileged to have experienced this process so I can explain to my children how much their birthparents love them.
Though at times I consider parts of adoption my trial in life, it's hard to call it that when adoption is such an overwhelming blessing in my life. It's given us our 3 Beautiful miracles! I'm so thankful for the family God has created for Ben and I to raise for eternity.
Then this weekend we saw his birthmom. She's an amazing woman, wife, mother, and photographer. She took Luke's birthday pictures for his birthday. Thanks so much!
Luke didn't totally understand the significance of who they were, but he understood that they thought he was special. That's wonderful!
Birthparents
When ever I tell someone that our kids are adopted, their first question is always, "So, do you keep in contact with their birthparents?" I tell them yes. It can be scary, shocking, and sometimes hard for people to understand why we choose open adoptions. We have many people, but specifically, 6 people that have quite the invested interest in our children. We communicate with 5 of our 6 birthparents. We are what you would call "spoiled" in the adoption world. We have met all of the birthmoms, and birthdads of our children. You have been "super spoiled" to have birthfathers that were so supportive and cooperative.
Our communication:
I like to compare gaining a birthparent to having another cousin in our family. At the minimum I send them my Christmas card, a birthday email, and an update letter with pictures on our child's birthday. The first year of our kids' lives there have been regular email updates. Now I have this blog which is wonderful because I can hit all the "birds" with one stone. We have also been open to random visits with them to reconnect and see one another. So far this hasn't been more than once a year or so. Everyone has a different desired amount of communication, and we work with that. I feel like we have a great relationship of trust with all of them, they have really respected our role as the parents of our children.
Attitude towards birthparents:
Birthparents are amazing! The second most common questions is, "Why did they choose adoption." No matter what their circumstance, they ultimately choose adoption because they wanted their child to be sealed to a mother and father. They could have chosen to be single parents and I believe they would have been the best ones out there, but they wanted there child to have both parents married and around all the time. They were also following the answers to their prayers. They all had the confirmation that this was what God wanted for these little babies and that we were supposed to be their parents.
It's all about love
People's final comment is usually, "I can't imagine being able to do it." Birthmother's are my heroes because they are truly the most unselfish people I know. With open adoption I was able to see the extreme love and natural bond that comes at birth. It's a fight against nature to follow through with their decision. Placing a baby is the hardest action they will ever do in their lives. They experience much loss and grief. I know that God carries them through the experience and surrounds them with loving supportive people. It is truly a miracle! I feel so privileged to have experienced this process so I can explain to my children how much their birthparents love them.
Though at times I consider parts of adoption my trial in life, it's hard to call it that when adoption is such an overwhelming blessing in my life. It's given us our 3 Beautiful miracles! I'm so thankful for the family God has created for Ben and I to raise for eternity.
6 comments:
Heather this is so beautifully written and made me choke up a bit. I find it so hard most of the time that I will never be able to meet Flower's birth family and thank them. But also, to show them that she is flourishing, since they probably think she is dead. They had to abandon her with the hopes that she would be found and get the medical attention she needed that they would never be able to provide. But they really have no idea if she lived! So sad. You said a lot of what I felt but haven't been able to put into words. Your attitude also helped me a ton with my first dealings of a birth family. I thank you so much!
Heather this is so beautifully written and made me choke up a bit. I find it so hard most of the time that I will never be able to meet Flower's birth family and thank them. But also, to show them that she is flourishing, since they probably think she is dead. They had to abandon her with the hopes that she would be found and get the medical attention she needed that they would never be able to provide. But they really have no idea if she lived! So sad. You said a lot of what I felt but haven't been able to put into words. Your attitude also helped me a ton with my first dealings of a birth family. I thank you so much!
Thank you for writing that! I cried of course, as you spoke of your birth parents. You have been so supportive and wonderful! Thank you for helping me through this crazy time and thank you for allowing me to see pictures of my little baby and for talking to me and loving me. I am so grateful that you are my baby's parents. I've love the latest pictures of him. He's very smiley and so so cute! Perfect- of course!! I love you! And I love Clark!! Give him a big kiss from me!
Wow. Heather, excellent post. I too, choked up, and I don't do that often.
Secondly, Lucy, thank YOU for beingso strong and for letting Clark be a part of our family. I can't wait to meet him and know that he is already a HUGE light in the family. We will always love you for that.
:)...couldn't have asked for a more perfect ending that led to a great new beginning...
That was the sweetest post. I could just FEEL your love for your children's birth parents. They MUST be very special to have created such amazing children and to have had the courage and love to give them to you. I have no doubt that your beautiful family is meant to be together. And reading your explanations and feelings in your post made me cry. You and Ben are fabulous parents and friends. I love you guys!
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